The Case of the Creeps

I was at work a few months ago when I had the most uncomfortable encounter of my life. Now, I don’t find myself to be the most attractive person by any means, but I am a woman and unfortunately as such, I am bound to be hit on by what I affectionately call “creepers.”  Usually it’s just a comment in passing, something I awkwardly laugh at then dismiss. You know the comments, the “oh I bet your boyfriend loves [insert something mundane here]. Oh, you don’t have a boyfriend? What a shame.” Then it’s followed by some sort of wink and a slew of other awkward compliments before he finally gets the hint and decides to leave. I always try to be polite, but my politeness can only go so far.

This time, however, I couldn’t even feign politeness. My coworker had just gone on break, so I was on the floor alone. I had a station set up at the end of one of our aisles, where I was tagging our merchandise. I won’t tell you where I work, but it’s important to the story to know that at my store, we have full-length mirrors at the end of each aisle. There hadn’t been anyone in the store for a while when two older gentlemen and one man about my age walked in the store. Anyone that knows me will tell you I am overly polite to people, so I put on my bubbly smile and said hello and let them know what our sales promotion was at the time. I pointed them in the direction they needed to go and then told them to let me know if there was anything they needed.  The two older gentlemen smiled and said thank you and went on their way. They couldn’t be more polite. It was the younger man that really disturbed me.

He literally sat in the aisle and stared at me. Literally stared at my back (or what I was hoping was my back) the entire time. He made a phone call to his friend, loudly proclaiming the parts of my anatomy he found appealing, like when I heard it I was going to automatically throw myself at him. When he was on the phone, I looked up in the mirror out of the corner of my eye, trying to be aware of his position while my back was turned to him. He caught me, looked me up and down again, and said “Hey baby, you know I’m checking you out.” I immediately left my post and walked to the front of the store, so I could be close to the phone in case I needed to call the police. Trust me, I was really close. When the two older gentlemen came to the counter to purchase their merchandise, this guy did not give up. He kept making comments about me, right in front of me, like it was supposed to impress me that he was sizing me up without acknowledging me as a person. As I politely shoved their bagged merchandise to them and happily-but-hastily told them to have a great day, he said to me, “Baby, I can make your day better.”

“I’m quite alright, thanks.” And with that, his embarrassed shopping partners dragged him out of the store.

Trust me, it took everything in me to not slug that jerk in the face. I am a 23 year old woman who works very, very hard. I dress respectably. The last thing I want or need is to be spoken ABOUT, not TO. I want to be treated like a human being. After the initial disgust of the moment, where all I wanted to do was cry and possibly shower, it really made me wonder. Is that really how you think you can get girls? Now I know the initial reaction is if he was hitting on you like that, it obviously hasn’t worked out for him. But I’d love to give him a lesson in how to really make a girl feel. And it’s not like an object.

It sounds severe, but it made me feel like there wasn’t a single guy out there who wasn’t a total creep. I don’t want to be “checked out” when I’m doing my job. I don’t want someone to ask me where my boyfriend is when I’m at a restaurant. I want to wear a sign that says I DON’T NEED A MAN TO BE HAPPY. If I decide to be in a relationship, it’s because I want to, not because I need some gross cliché dude to validate me. If I’m at a restaurant without a guy, it’s not “too bad.” It’s just fine, thanks anyways.

I’m not a bitter man-hater though. I’m actually in a happy new relationship (two months strong). One night we were up until 5 a.m. just talking. It was just a few weeks in, so we were playing twenty questions trying to get to know each other better. One of the questions he asked me was, “when did you know you wanted to date me?”

I told him it was the very first ‘date’ we had. We’d been set up by a mutual friend, and I went to meet up with him and another one of his friends at a bar. We’d spent an hour or two just talking, using his friend as a buffer to keep it from being too awkward of a date. But I noticed as we sat in conversation the way he laughed. I think his laugh is so adorable. That’s how I knew I wanted to date him.

I asked him the same question. From previous experience, I expected some comment about how he thought I was hot or something like that. His answer actually surprised me. A few days after our first ‘date’ we had a double date game night with said mutual friend and another mutual friend. We were playing Pictionary, which at times I can be very good at, but this time I wasn’t so much. I chock it up to the nervousness of being around him again. It was to the point that we were playing and he was drawing, and when I should have been just throwing out guesses, I sat there instead clueless. When I realized it, I laughed it and I had a good time, despite being awful. I stopped worrying about impressing him and just started being myself and having fun. He told me that night that we were up talking that that’s when he knew he liked me. He felt like it was just natural, and we clicked. Of any pick up line or any romantic thing anyone has ever said to me, that blew me away. He knew he liked me because I was me?  I didn't even know that was a possibility. I of course chock it up to being lucky and finding an amazing guy, but he reminded me that a real gentleman does exist.

So what’s the point of the story? If I could get guys to walk away with anything, it's that I hope and pray you are never like the guy that came into my store that day. Don't size up a girl for her appearance. Don't talk at her instead of to her, and certainly don't make disgusting comments about her body. Instead, if you feel like you're attracted to a girl, really get to know her personality traits. Notice the cute, quirky things she does, and compliment those, not how 'hot' she is. Trust me, there is nothing that will floor a girl more than knowing that the way she is is more than enough for a guy.