Find Justice for Phoebe Prince

Waking up to this kind of news makes me sick.

9 Teens Charged in Bullying that Led to Girl's Suicide

A 15 year old girl was found hanging in her apartment building in Massachusetts in January after months and months of verbal and physical abuse from her classmates. District Attorney Elizabeth D. Scheibel told reporters, “The investigation revealed relentless activity directed toward Phoebe designed to humiliate her.”

15 years old. I can’t even put the words together right now.

When did kids become so horrible? This goes far beyond any sort of childhood bullying I have ever heard of or encountered. These ruthless teenagers threw bottles at her, knocked her books out of her hand, used words even I find to vile to say as an adult against her, and that’s just what they’ve released to the press. This all took place on school grounds, sometimes in front of faculty and staff, and nothing was done.

And now a 15 year old innocent girl is dead. And all I can do is sit here and wonder why?

I want to know where these kids learned to be so nasty. And where are you, parents? I know, you’ll say it’s easy for me to judge because I don’t have a child. But this is just absurd. If you don’t know what your child is doing, you’re not doing your job as a parent. I know I’ll get some flack for that, but if you’re defaulting that there’s no way you can know what your child is doing at all times then you need to step up your game. Nine students are being charged for the bullying that lead to this girl’s death. That’s nine kids, with nine sets of parents or guardians, who should have taught them better. When exactly did your kids become such monsters? Those nine students were just that, monsters. Monsters that spent their time and energy every day to physically and mentally beat down one girl. And I hope they go to jail, because if they are this hateful at 15-17 and get away with it, imagine what kind of demented adults they will be. I don’t expect parents to know every minute of what their child does, but they should have been raised better. There’s no excuse for any of these children to think that this kind of behavior was now, or ever, acceptable.

Okay, so the parents can’t hold their child’s hand during school hours and know exactly what they’re doing. Where the hell were school officials on this? From the CNN.com report:
“Though initial news reports blamed [Phoebe] Prince's suicide on cyberbullying, Scheibel said the students' actions were "primarily conducted on school grounds during school hours and while school was in session." She said any use of electronic social networks was secondary to "commonly understood bullying methods." The bullying of Prince was common knowledge to most of the student body and to certain faculty, staff and administrators, Scheibel said. At least four students and two faculty members had intervened during the harassment, but the school's code of conduct was inconsistently enforced, she said. Though the faculty, staff and administrators' behavior was not deemed criminal, "the actions, or inactions, of some adults at the school are troublesome," she said.”
There’s just no excuse. No excuse. Parents can’t be at school walking the halls with their kids, but there are enough faculty and staff walking the halls to see this in action. Where were they to stop this? Only two faculty members ever stepped in? According to the Public School Review, there are 55 teachers and 721 students at South Hadley High School where this incident took place. That’s only 13 students to each teacher. And that’s only teachers, not including other support staff members such as hall monitors and janitors, or Administrators. Now, please tell me there aren’t enough employees at the school to see this kind of bullying happening. It is required by law that parents send their students to school (if they aren’t home schooled). If you have to send them to a school, shouldn’t they be safe?

Is it going to take another kid bringing a gun to school to make people wake up?

Schools should be operating on a proactive basis, not a reactive basis. Why does it take death to make people open their eyes?

The nine students, monsters as I will affectionately call them from now on, are facing an array of charges, from violation of civil rights with bodily injury resulting, criminal harassment, disturbance of a school assembly, and statutory rape. The statutory rape charge can carry a life sentence. I hope every single one of those monsters is charged with the crimes they are accused of. Not only to give justice to this poor tormented girl, but to send a message to them and others. Nothing is learned if the monsters get away with their crimes.

Please go to The National Center for Bullying Prevention and STOP Cyberbullying to learn what you can do to help your children and prevent more unnecessary deaths.

It Won't Kill You To Be Nice

In about an hour, I will be making my way to work my retail job. Oh, how I love this job.

The sad thing is, I really do love the job. It’s everything else about the job that I don’t love.

If it were simple enough to just show up, put a smile on my face, and talk to people it would be the best job ever. I don’t mind greeting people and helping them find what they need. I’m actually pretty enthused to sit and talk to someone for twenty minutes, even if it’s a subject I don’t really care about. I really love people. And as much as I’ve heard of people hating retail, I actually don’t mind it. There are two problems I have, though: the customer and the coworker.

So I’m assuming you think this doesn’t make sense, right? Well let me start off by saying not ALL customers act this way, which makes my job semi-enjoyable. There are the few, however, that carry certain traits that I see time and time again. I hope if you’re reading this and possess some of these traits, you may take into consideration the effects and hopefully change them.

1. When you walk into a store, especially a retail outlet, 9 times out of 10 you are greeted by a worker who will ask you if there is anything they can help you find. If you say you’re just looking, they’ll either usually leave you alone, or let you know of what sales to look out for. Why do we do this? Well number one, it’s our job. If we get secret shopped and we don’t inform you of the current promotion, we’re in big trouble. Number two, I mean…don’t you want to know what sales are going on? I’d like to know what deals to look out for before I look at anything else; I guess I just assumed everyone else does.

I’d say a good 85% of the time I get customers in the store and I tell them the promotion, they either look straight at me without acknowledging that there are in fact sounds and syllables coming out of my mouth, they walk away before I can finish my two-second sentence, or what annoys me the most is that they will interrupt me with again saying “I’m just looking.” Okay, telling you the promotion takes two seconds out of your shopping experience. If at the VERY LEAST, let me say it because it’s my job and I have to. At the VERY LEAST! My thing is, especially in my store, all of our employees are friendly to every person that walks in the door. Every time. I can’t even count the number of times in my day that one of us will say hi to someone walking through the door, standing within three feet of them, and they will walk right by without even acknowledging our existence. Now, I’ve been told that I’m so pale I’m almost translucent, so I find it believable that people may in fact see right through me, but not my coworkers. At the very least you can say hi back, it won’t kill you, and say thank you for the promotion details.

2. I’m one to not be pushy. If you say you’re just looking, I will let you know what’s on sale but then I will let you look on your own. I’m not one to force people to buy something. I also don’t work on commission, so it doesn’t 100% hurt me if you don’t buy our product. It helps the store out which keeps me employed, but I’m not going to push any single person to buy something they don’t want.

That being said, if you have been in my store for 10-20 minutes, I’m going to check and make sure you’re finding everything okay. No, it’s not because I think you’re stealing. No, it’s not because I think you’re not competent enough to pick something out on your own. It’s because I want to make sure that you are, in fact, finding everything okay. Shock, right? I know especially in the store I work in that we may not have a certain item but we have the ability to look up which stores in our area would. It’s actually really handy, and we offer a discount on the item if you drive to find it.

Like I said, I want to help you find what you need the best I can. But it is, again, also my job to check and make sure you are finding everything alright. Does it really kill you to say yes, thank you? I mean did it sting right through your chest to even read it? There’s just a common sense of politeness for another human being that should go both ways that I learn on a daily basis.

3. GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONE! First of all, in a store as small as mine, I hope you realize that conversation you’re having about your recent flare-up is echoing through the entire store. I for one did not sign up to hear that. Or about your deadbeat boyfriend. Or about what my generation affectionately coined ‘baby mamma drama’. You can’t save those kinds of conversations for the privacy of your own car or home?

Most annoyingly, though, is when you are ready to check out, why can’t you say ‘hold on’ to the person on the other end of your direly important conversation? Even before I ever worked retail, if I was on the phone with someone at the time of check out, I would either say hold on or I would end the call. Why? It’s called common courtesy. You should be making a verbal exchange with the person who is trying to complete your transaction. It again goes back to common human decency. This person behind the counter is here to help you, and you can’t take 5 seconds away to respond to them? It’s absolutely the rudest thing I have ever encountered. I’m not here to be ignored.

Now this AGAIN does not pertain to all customers. And also, there is an etiquette that needs to be followed by employees.

1. I don’t care how much you think you hate your job. I really don’t. Guess what? In this economy you are lucky to even be employed, even if it is a minimum wage retail outlet. You need to act as though this is the best job you’ve ever had. Why? Because you have a job. There are a lot of people who would happily do what you’re doing now for a lot less money. So quit complaining so much. I will admit, some policies our store enacts aren’t always the best, or what I think is the best. And I may vocalize how I feel about them. But there comes a point when you have to accept it and JUST DO IT. You don’t need to continue to complain about a policy for a year. If you don’t like it, quit. Let someone else do it.

2. You should absolutely 100% ALWAYS be friendly to the customers. Even the rude customers that make you feel like dirt, the ones I have outlined previously. Why? Because it’s your job. You know what your job is every day when you walk through the door. You don’t get to be rude to someone who just walks in the door because you’re in a bad mood. You put on that smile and you say the promotion. You just do it. I get so sick of people endlessly complaining and being rude to their customers. Although I feel customers should treat employees better while they shop in the store, they aren’t getting paid to be nice to you. You’re getting paid to be nice to them. If you don’t like it, not only should you quit, but you should also find another field of employment.

3. Do your job. DO YOUR JOB. Don’t slack off; don’t complain about putting merchandise out. Don’t get angry when you have to do something. If it’s within the means of the job description outlined to you when you started, just do it. If you don’t like it, then quit. It’s really, really simple.

I think the world would be a better place if people just in general afforded a common courtesy to each other. There’s nothing wrong with being polite to total strangers. If someone says hi to you, say hi back. If they want to help you, let them help. If they say ‘have a nice day’ say ‘thanks, you too’. It’s these little acts of simple human respect that can make my day a lot easier when I’m working. All of my friends and family will tell you I am at the point of almost being over polite to people in drive thrus or at stores. The reasoning? Everyone deserves a smiling face at least once in their day. It’s my responsibility as an employee to give it to every single person that walks through the door of my store. It’s my responsibility as a human being to give it to every person I encounter throughout my day.

It won’t kill you to be nice. 

America is in Danger

That’s what I’m being told at least. You see, there is this evil, anti-christ in the highest office of the land, and his name is Barack Hussein Obama. Do you see that middle name? It should have warned us that this would happen in the first place. But this devil of a man pushed through this monstrosity he cleverly hid as “Health Care Reform” in order to destroy our country and everything it was founded on. And when he signs it into law sometime today, we’re all going down. All of us.

Now let’s go ahead and snap back to the real world, shall we?

It is completely unfathomable to me that people are this upset about Health Care Reform that they are proclaiming is the downfall of America. Are you kidding me? How is finally reforming a system that has been abusing people for years the end of the world? Oh yeah, because the insurance companies and therefore the politicians they pay off will lose profit. Oh dear.

How exactly is extending insurance availability to over 32 million more Americans a sad day for this country?

I have to say personally that I am really exhausted and burnt out on the argument that “I don’t want to have to pay taxes to those bums who are on Welfare and just too lazy to get a job.” I hate to break it to you, but not every person who lacks insurance coverage is too lazy to get a job. I’m not exactly sure if anyone is aware of this or not, but right at the end of the Bush Administration and the beginning of the Obama Administration, the economy and the job market were suffering immensely. Has anyone who made this claim tried to get a job recently? It’s not as easy as you think, no matter how hard you work at it.

I’m really happy for you that you had the opportunity to go to college and get a degree and a job. That’s really fantastic. The reality is not everyone has that opportunity. Student Loans and Financial Aid are a mess, and not just everyone gets them. You can’t just wake up and say “today I’m going to college!” and have everything fall into place with a snap of your finger. Not everyone has the same opportunities. Not everyone grows up in a wealthy family. When discussing the reform, a friend of mine said to me “looks like we'll be paying the bills for every bum out there who blames the government for their poor work ethic. grow up and get a job hippies” This just made me sad and angry at the same time. There are people out there who abuse the system, and it’s awful. I agree with that. But there are people out there who abuse every system. Heck, all of these politicians abuse the system ridiculously every day, but nothing is done about it. I wonder frequently why the poor are “hippies abusing the system” but the rich aren’t doing anything wrong.

This reform WILL help millions of Americans. I currently work two jobs while going to school full time, and I still don’t have enough money left over to purchase health insurance. It’s too expensive. I worry every day that if something happens to me, and I have to go to the hospital, I will never have enough money to pay off the tremendous debt I’ll have just because someone kept me alive. Think about that for a second: these are peoples’ LIVES at stake. In my opinion, health care should be free for all human beings because it’s a disgusting concept that medicine and services to keep you alive come at an astronomical cost. It’s just unfathomable to me. This reform doesn’t make that happen, but it’s taking the step in the right direction to stop the insurance companies from abusing people any more than they already have. One of the arguments I have heard time and time again is that the government shouldn’t take over health care, they should reform themselves. Hm…considering the current state of health care, it looks like they’ve been doing such a phenomenal job at that already.

This article from Reuters outlines the changes that will be made from this reform. The most important to me at least, and the ones that really make me wonder why people are so against the reform, are:

*Insurance companies will be barred from dropping people from coverage when they get sick. 

*Insurers will be barred from excluding children for coverage because of pre-existing conditions.

*Young adults will be able to stay on their parents' health plans until the age of 26. (Many health plans currently drop dependents from coverage when they turn 19 or finish college).

*Uninsured adults with a pre-existing conditions will be able to obtain health coverage through a new program that will expire once new insurance exchanges begin operating in 2014.

People will no longer be dropped from their insurance or denied insurance because of a pre-existing condition. How can you look at that and not feel a sigh of relief? Oh yeah, you have insurance so it doesn't matter to you. Because of this bill, if you with your almighty insurance lose your job, and you have cancer, you still have options. That wasn't available before. 

To wrap up, I was told yesterday that along with the fact that health care reform will ruin our country, that if I didn't like the way our country has run up until now and the "values America was founded on" then I should move. All I can say to that, sir, is that I'm not going anywhere. Because for once in my life, I'm proud to be an American citizen. A citizen for change.

Thank you to Congress and President Barack Obama for caring about the people, not the profit. 

Sidenote:

 I don't want to get into an abortion debate in this post, because that's a whole other issue, but just be clear that the pro-life Democrats worked to make sure that President Obama made the changes in the original bill to guarantee that the bill would not change existing limits on federal funding for abortion. Texas Representative Randy Neugebauer was completely out of line to scream "It's a baby killer" at Rep. Bart Stupak, an anti-abortion Democrat. I understand the health care bill is a hot button issue, but have some class in our House of Representatives. It's absolutely disgusting that he ever resulted to that.

Liberty and Justice for ALL! Well... Except...

As we’re inching further into 2010, I feel like I should be feeling some progression in humanity. I should see more understanding for the human race, more people wanting to stand up and fight for those who are less fortunate.

And then it comes in the news that Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi, canceled the entire senior prom because a female student asked permission to wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend. No, you read that right. School officials canceled the ENTIRE PROM for all of the students just because one girl wanted to bring her significant other.

This is obviously disgusting for many reasons. The thing that really irks me though is the reasoning that a gay couple at the prom is more immoral than a straight couple. I don’t see how it’s any different? Because a girl will hug, and slow dance, and possibly (gasp) kiss a person she has feelings for? I’ve never seen a straight couple do that at prom. I’ve also never seen a straight couple rub themselves shamelessly on their dates, other people’s dates, or their friends of the same sex. I’ve never known any straight couple who went upstairs to the hotel rooms after the dance and had sex. I never knew anyone straight who got pregnant on prom night. 

I’m also lying.

When is enough finally enough? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY. The inconceivable injustice that lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgenders go through on a daily basis is worse than any other race, ethnicity, or social group. Sorry if that strikes a chord with any of you, but it’s true. The Civil Rights movement did in fact make a lot of progress for the African-American community. While racism still sadly and disgustingly exists, Black Americans can get jobs, get married, share their health insurance, and have or adopt children. Lucky you.  There will always be people who are dumb and ignorant, no matter how much we progress as a human race. The thing is though, you don’t have the government or your school districts taking away your basic human rights.

While I thoroughly don’t agree with the religious point of view on homosexuals, (do not agree AT ALL whatsoever in any way, shape or form) they are allowed to their opinion. And if they don’t want to perform marriage ceremonies for homosexuals, they shouldn’t have to. That’s what the separation of church and state is there for. I, nor anyone else, should tell you how to run your religion. That said, since I offer that to you, all I want in return is your religion out of my government. I haven’t heard one reason that gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry that has nothing to do with religious or moral views. My representatives are not there to preach to me their moral values; they are there to make sure my government runs smoothly and in MY best interests. In EVERYONE'S best interests in their constituency or beyond. If you don't want to represent the rights of every single person in the community, don't run for office. It's false advertising, really. It’s just absurd to me that states even have to vote on the option of gay marriage. Since when did someone’s love for another person become a vote?

And to those who want to say “if we let them gays marry, what’s next? Marrying an animal?” First of all, you’re an idiot. Second of all, don’t compare a human being to an animal. A human being can feel, and on top of that voice their opinions, what they want and don’t want, and what they feel. While animals are cute and cuddly and you can tell when most of them are happy or sad, they cannot verbalize their feelings nor do they have the capacity to understand what is happening to them if someone tried to marry them. They don't have the knowledge to know right or wrong to the degree that a human does. That argument is ridiculous. And don’t even try to say that a parrot can speak for itself. 

It’s 2010, not 1950. We’re in a totally new age. With that, how have we not progressed? Where’s the Martin Luther King, Jr. for the homosexual community? Something needs to be done about this and it needs to be done now. There is absolutely no excuse for what’s happening. None.  If you’re against gay marriage or freedom for gay couples to attend prom, I would like you to comment and tell me why. Tell me at least one rational reason why one human being shouldn’t be able to freely be with another human being. It can’t be a religious reason either, because you have the freedom to your religion but I have the freedom to keep it out of my government. I want one, solid reason why homosexual couples should not be recognized in the eyes of our government. I’m waiting…


For more information on the fight for equality, visit the LGBT Movement website.

Dear Facebook Friends

Dear Facebook Friends,

First of all, hi. I probably don’t post on your walls anymore or chat with you like I should, so we probably haven’t talked in a while. I hope things are going well for you.

I know I don’t really keep a correspondence with you, but that’s really the amazing thing about Facebook, isn’t it? You post enough status updates and pictures that all I have to do is check my news feed to see what you’ve been up to. I feel like if we were to talk, there’d really be nothing to talk about because I know it all already. So when my mom asks me, “did you hear so-and-so is pregnant?” I can say, “yeah, I saw it on Facebook.” ‘Nuff said.

There are positives to Facebook. It’s been (for the most part) nice to have my family all on one shared space. We can keep track of each other more easily now, especially since at the moment we’re pretty spread out. Also, it gives me an easier way to keep track of people I went to high school with. It’s nice to see how everyone is progressing in life and the success they’ve achieved, even if we don’t talk anymore. And I’ll be honest, when I’m bored out of my mind, I have a space where I can stalk my friends and their profiles. Don’t judge me; you know you do it, too. It’s a pretty fun way to pass the time and keep up on the latest gossip.

There are, however, just a few things that bother me.

First of all, if you are all about FarmVille or Aqualand or whatever else you can do on there, great for you. I’m happy for you really. But after the first 8 times you’ve invited me to play and I’ve ignored it, do me a favor and STOP INVITING ME. I feel like even if I block the application, you somehow find a way to get back to me. It seems anymore that there are millions of other games and no matter how much I hide, they still find me. Same goes for quizzes. Ugh, the quizzes…

I also don’t want to be a part of any cause. I’m not heartless; I donate to charity and take part in causes that are close to my heart. But I’ve also learned about how the causes on Facebook (from now on referred to as FB because I’m lazy) are almost always hoaxes. After the Haiti Earthquake, there was a group created that said if they got to x amount of members then FB would donate x amount of dollars. It turned out to be a hoax. Yes, there are disgusting people out there who will scam for charity dollars in the wake of a disaster. The worst thing is, people just suck it up and believe it. Here’s a little tip about the internet; it’s NOT safe. You can’t believe everything you read and you can’t buy into crap like that. If you really want to help a relief effort, call the Red Cross. Don’t just join some group that ANYONE can make.

That’s another thing that bothers me. Even though I’ve made my profile as private as I can possibly make it, I’ve been getting random people, possibly bots, trying to add me as a friend. I’ve watched enough To Catch a Predator to know that you don’t just add random people. First of all, you have no idea if they really are who they are representing on their profiles. Secondly, why do you want someone you’ve never met knowing your business? Right now, I have 370 friends. It seems like a lot, but I know every single person on my list, be it family, friends, people I graduated high school with, or people in my college classes. Even if we aren’t the best of friends, I at least know them and have had a face to face conversation with every person on that list. Be smart about it people.

Lastly, and what this blog is really about, is I just ask that you PLEASE remember that FB is a PUBLIC FORUM. I know a lot of people who get annoyed when their friends’ statuses are consistently “I <3 My Boyfriend sooooooooooooooooo much <3<3<3” but really I don’t mind it. If you’re happy, be happy. But please don’t post intimate details about your relationship. I don’t need to know how great your mate is in the sack. I mean good for you, but is anything private anymore?

People who publicize their breakups through FB are the most appalling to me. There’s a joke that goes around that states nothing is official unless it’s on FB. So, if you’re in a relationship, it’s not legitimate until your relationship status is changed on your profile. There is nothing creepier to me than people who comment on relationship statuses, especially when the person has gone from “in a relationship” to “single.” My boyfriend and I had a rocky start at the beginning of our relationship, and our silly relationship status changed a few times within a few weeks (we’re classy as well). Every time it changed, I asked him to go physically delete the notification from his page. I didn’t want anyone to have the option of commenting on our ups and downs. I thought it was just creepy and intrusive. But at the same time, I’d like our relationship acknowledged on the side of my page. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

But there are people I am friends with who post about their breakups in their statues, and even worse the scorned partner is commenting back to it. All on the page! Why do you want all of this arguing and name calling going on where over 300 people can see it? Do you really starve for all that attention? Aren’t you embarrassed at all? Look at it this way; say you were at some sort of big event, say a graduation ceremony. You get in a fight with your significant other in the middle of the ceremony. Instead of saving the argument for the privacy of your own home, or going outside at the least, you stand up and begin to scream obscenities at each other…in front of a gym full of people. If you find that as absurd as I do, then maybe you should work your problems out just the two of you and not where everyone can see, or god forbid, comment along with you.

I think that people really forget that FB is a public place. It still baffles me that I can get to everything on a person’s profile that I’m not friends with. I’m sure most of you while reading this have said “if you don’t like it so much, then why don’t you delete it?” Like I said earlier, it really is super convenient to keep track of people. I don’t have a lot of time to call or email people, so it’s nice to see what they’re up to these days. But I also know that not everyone on my list is my best friend, so I don’t need to know every little thing. I in turn, don’t want people to know every little thing about me, especially not my relationships.

Anyways, dear Facebook friends, remember that everyone can see your profile. Be smart about what you say or do. And don’t annoy your friends (i.e. me) with anymore FarmVille invitations.

XOXO- Jess

PS- Funny Article to Read if you want:

12 Most Annoying Facebookers 

Pain and Suffering? Or Inspiration and Success?

Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…

It’s a simple line from the Lady Antebellum song “Need You Now” (which if you haven’t heard, check it out on YouTube. I love it), but it’s a line that sticks with me every time I hear it.

Now I promise you that all of my blogs won’t be about love and relationships, but it seems like my life is immersed with them right now. I’m watching all of these heartbreaks happen around me and the pain that comes with it. I watch everyone I know ask the one simple question: Why?

My friend Cindy has a brilliant blog (which you should read here, it’s worth your time) and recently she wrote a post about her thirteen year old daughter. I’ve only known Cindy for about 6 months, but she’s already someone I know I will admire for the rest of my life. She’s such a strong woman, but not in an overbearing super-feminist sort of way. She’s got her head together and opinions she can actually back up, and on top of it she’s incredibly smart. I started my blog because of her inspiration, and I find myself looking at things differently because of the perspective she brings to my life.

Oh, look, I’ve gone sappy. Let me get back to my point.

She has tried her best to instill the same sort of optimism and independence in her daughter. If you’d like to read more about this specifically, read the post here. The only thing she couldn’t protect her from, was the heart. She likes a boy, the boy flirts with her daily, then stops answering her texts; that’s the abridged version anyways. In the post, Cindy questions her parenting and wonders what she could have done differently to keep her daughter from hurting this way. How do you build a love proof heart?

While no one wants to watch their child or their friends go through heart ache, my simple answer to that question is you can’t. Actually, my feeling on the matter is you shouldn’t. Think about the times you have really been crushed to the ground and heart broken. The moments where you felt like there was no shining light left. Now look at yourself now. Do you think you would be the person you are today if you hadn’t had your heart broken?

Those who know me know how much I’ve been through in my life. My heartache has stretched far beyond any sort of romantic relationship. My dad has broken my heart repeatedly. My brother has a few times. Several friends have destroyed me. My best friend in the world broke me down once. I feel a lot for people, and in turn it almost always gets me in the end. I still firmly believe I care a lot more for people than I get in return. I’d like to say that I’m not like that because of the lessons I’ve learned,  but frankly it’s something I cannot and will not change. Why?

Yes, I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…

In some cases, the heartache I’ve felt has made my relationships with my friends stronger. My best friend and I are closer than ever, and I would do absolutely anything for him. That time where he broke my heart, I broke his too. We were just in a bad place and I think we took it out on each other. I wouldn’t go back and change it though. It takes a good heart break to make you stronger.

My dad, however, is a repeat offender. It’s sad when you have to completely disregard a member of your own family, but sometimes it’s necessary. I’m a piñata to my father, where he can just take his hits time and time again. It took me until this year to realize I could no longer take it anymore. But would I go back and change all of the things he’s done to me? Absolutely not. In a way, I should thank him. “Dear Dad, thanks for making my life hell time and time again. You’ll never know how much you’ve actually done for me.” Because I’ve watched my Dad’s shortcomings and failures, it pushes me more and more to be a better, stronger person. I don’t think I’d be working this hard to get through college if I didn’t have the motivation to be the person he never was. I know it sounds harsh. I wish I could explain to you my entire situation but there isn’t enough space on this blog to do it. What you need to know is that he gave up on himself a long time ago, and I will do everything I can to never be like that. I strive to make sure I’m successful in whatever it is I do. As a senior in High School, I never thought I was going to college. Just one day I realized the heartache I’ve been through and knew I could take one of two paths: I could continue the one I was on and struggle every day and be exactly like my father, or I could change my path and make my future happen.

The point is that pain makes you stronger. Call it cliché if you want to, but I’m a living testament to it. Things have never been easy for me, but I’m not complaining. I needed the pain, the shock, the heart break; I needed all of it. Because I am so proud of the independent strong person I am today.

So to those who have broken my heart and will in the future, thank you. 

The Case of the Creeps

I was at work a few months ago when I had the most uncomfortable encounter of my life. Now, I don’t find myself to be the most attractive person by any means, but I am a woman and unfortunately as such, I am bound to be hit on by what I affectionately call “creepers.”  Usually it’s just a comment in passing, something I awkwardly laugh at then dismiss. You know the comments, the “oh I bet your boyfriend loves [insert something mundane here]. Oh, you don’t have a boyfriend? What a shame.” Then it’s followed by some sort of wink and a slew of other awkward compliments before he finally gets the hint and decides to leave. I always try to be polite, but my politeness can only go so far.

This time, however, I couldn’t even feign politeness. My coworker had just gone on break, so I was on the floor alone. I had a station set up at the end of one of our aisles, where I was tagging our merchandise. I won’t tell you where I work, but it’s important to the story to know that at my store, we have full-length mirrors at the end of each aisle. There hadn’t been anyone in the store for a while when two older gentlemen and one man about my age walked in the store. Anyone that knows me will tell you I am overly polite to people, so I put on my bubbly smile and said hello and let them know what our sales promotion was at the time. I pointed them in the direction they needed to go and then told them to let me know if there was anything they needed.  The two older gentlemen smiled and said thank you and went on their way. They couldn’t be more polite. It was the younger man that really disturbed me.

He literally sat in the aisle and stared at me. Literally stared at my back (or what I was hoping was my back) the entire time. He made a phone call to his friend, loudly proclaiming the parts of my anatomy he found appealing, like when I heard it I was going to automatically throw myself at him. When he was on the phone, I looked up in the mirror out of the corner of my eye, trying to be aware of his position while my back was turned to him. He caught me, looked me up and down again, and said “Hey baby, you know I’m checking you out.” I immediately left my post and walked to the front of the store, so I could be close to the phone in case I needed to call the police. Trust me, I was really close. When the two older gentlemen came to the counter to purchase their merchandise, this guy did not give up. He kept making comments about me, right in front of me, like it was supposed to impress me that he was sizing me up without acknowledging me as a person. As I politely shoved their bagged merchandise to them and happily-but-hastily told them to have a great day, he said to me, “Baby, I can make your day better.”

“I’m quite alright, thanks.” And with that, his embarrassed shopping partners dragged him out of the store.

Trust me, it took everything in me to not slug that jerk in the face. I am a 23 year old woman who works very, very hard. I dress respectably. The last thing I want or need is to be spoken ABOUT, not TO. I want to be treated like a human being. After the initial disgust of the moment, where all I wanted to do was cry and possibly shower, it really made me wonder. Is that really how you think you can get girls? Now I know the initial reaction is if he was hitting on you like that, it obviously hasn’t worked out for him. But I’d love to give him a lesson in how to really make a girl feel. And it’s not like an object.

It sounds severe, but it made me feel like there wasn’t a single guy out there who wasn’t a total creep. I don’t want to be “checked out” when I’m doing my job. I don’t want someone to ask me where my boyfriend is when I’m at a restaurant. I want to wear a sign that says I DON’T NEED A MAN TO BE HAPPY. If I decide to be in a relationship, it’s because I want to, not because I need some gross cliché dude to validate me. If I’m at a restaurant without a guy, it’s not “too bad.” It’s just fine, thanks anyways.

I’m not a bitter man-hater though. I’m actually in a happy new relationship (two months strong). One night we were up until 5 a.m. just talking. It was just a few weeks in, so we were playing twenty questions trying to get to know each other better. One of the questions he asked me was, “when did you know you wanted to date me?”

I told him it was the very first ‘date’ we had. We’d been set up by a mutual friend, and I went to meet up with him and another one of his friends at a bar. We’d spent an hour or two just talking, using his friend as a buffer to keep it from being too awkward of a date. But I noticed as we sat in conversation the way he laughed. I think his laugh is so adorable. That’s how I knew I wanted to date him.

I asked him the same question. From previous experience, I expected some comment about how he thought I was hot or something like that. His answer actually surprised me. A few days after our first ‘date’ we had a double date game night with said mutual friend and another mutual friend. We were playing Pictionary, which at times I can be very good at, but this time I wasn’t so much. I chock it up to the nervousness of being around him again. It was to the point that we were playing and he was drawing, and when I should have been just throwing out guesses, I sat there instead clueless. When I realized it, I laughed it and I had a good time, despite being awful. I stopped worrying about impressing him and just started being myself and having fun. He told me that night that we were up talking that that’s when he knew he liked me. He felt like it was just natural, and we clicked. Of any pick up line or any romantic thing anyone has ever said to me, that blew me away. He knew he liked me because I was me?  I didn't even know that was a possibility. I of course chock it up to being lucky and finding an amazing guy, but he reminded me that a real gentleman does exist.

So what’s the point of the story? If I could get guys to walk away with anything, it's that I hope and pray you are never like the guy that came into my store that day. Don't size up a girl for her appearance. Don't talk at her instead of to her, and certainly don't make disgusting comments about her body. Instead, if you feel like you're attracted to a girl, really get to know her personality traits. Notice the cute, quirky things she does, and compliment those, not how 'hot' she is. Trust me, there is nothing that will floor a girl more than knowing that the way she is is more than enough for a guy.

Welcome to the Blogosphere

As a Mass Communications major, it has been pretty much instilled in my brain that I need to have a blog. I need to have a twitter, a facebook, a flickr, a (insert name of social media service I've never even heard of). No, I don't need to have my name associated with 140 characters of "I'm going to class" or "I am sleeping." I need to have a website of some sort to display my work, ANY work really, to get my name out there. I apparently should have been blogging years ago. So alas, I have caved. Welcome to the world of my thoughts.

I think I never started a blog up until now because frankly, I didn't think anyone really cared about what I had to say. And most of you reading this may not, and that's okay too. I feel as I progress in my studies that I should have a lot to say about the things happening in the world. Every day I spend at least an hour on CNN brushing up on the news of the day. Instead of just reading a story, I now find myself analyzing why that story is in the news, why it was written in the manner it was, and for most of them how public relations was a factor. It's a very interesting change of perception. I am beginning to look at Twitter and Facebook in a whole new light. I shouldn't just use the social media outlets to "creep" on my friends, or post quirky comments to make people laugh. I should be figuring out how these outlets work, how they profit, and how companies are using them in 2010.

I can't guarantee that will be all I'll write about though. If you know me, you know I have a lot to say and I'm not shy about saying it. It's interesting to me now that most people I know don't have some sort of blog. Who doesn't need a page to just sort out their thoughts and figure things out? Or a place to post on a topic and have a discussion with others?

ARTICLE OF THE DAY:
My number one concern with starting a blog is my number one concern with any writing project: Writer's Block.  IBM has created a tool called Blog Muse, which allows users to suggest and vote on topics they think a blog should address.Read more about it HERE.