Happy New Year

One of these days, I’ll stop using being busy as an excuse to neglect my poor little blog.

I can’t believe it is 2011 already. I can’t believe I’m 24. I can’t believe I’m nearing the end of my college career. When did this all happen?

While I can’t say it feels like yesterday that I was graduating high school since that was (shudder) six years ago, I still don’t feel as adult as I should. I wonder when that will start kicking in. I’ve always worked between 2 and 3 jobs since high school, so it’s not a work ethic thing per say. I’ve been growing increasingly anxious with the thought that in five months I will be graduating college, and I’m out of excuses.

It’s time to find a big girl job, it’s time to find a more permanent place of residence, it’s time to start thinking about salaries and 401(k)’s and kids and weddings and…bah I am freaking out just thinking about it. I’ve seen my friends get married, have babies, have their full time jobs in their field, and when I try to place myself in their shoes I can’t even imagine it.

I have seriously considered applying for grad school just to put this off a few more years. But, let’s be honest; I’m not getting any younger.

Did I really just say that? Can you go through a midlife crisis when you’re only 24?

The thing I try to constantly remind myself is that while I’m feeling so young and small and terrified of the real world, I’m also getting a lot accomplished. I will be the first person in my family with a Bachelor’s Degree (which only means something if, by the grace of God, I find a job after graduation). I’ve had two amazing internships that are really honing my skills so I have something to offer the companies I apply to. I have a good group of people around me who help me when I’m down, support me unconditionally, and above all make me smile. With my brother back in the state, my family has been closer, happier, and more fun. There are a lot of good things happening around me, and I need to learn not to be so terrified.

Then I realize my classes start Tuesday, and I have to start thinking about my final portfolio. I think about how fast the Fall semester flew by, then again how fast my whole SIUE experience has seemed to fly by. And I realize that before I know it I’m going to be in the Student Activity Gym waiting to walk in to my Commencement ceremony. Even though every one I’ve attended has felt long and boring, when it’s mine, it’ll fly by. Then I’m out of my student worker job, out of classes, and yet again, out of excuses.

I guess I just need to enjoy this while it lasts…